Resident Evil: The Series
by Ramirek
Summary: More of your favorite survival horror series! Finally updated!
1. Chapter 1

Resident Evil : The adventures of Leon.

Episode 1. Part 1.

Merchandise.

Note: I had made a stick figure comic of resident evil, mostly of part 4. I showed it to all my friends and they loved it. they will be short but i hope you like it. They will be retarted and make no sense at all so i suggest you review. It will be script reading for the episodes.You Have Been Warned.

Cast: Leon, Ashley, and The Merchant From Resident Evil 4

Leon and ashley are walking around the forest as they see a strange hooded fellow.

Leon: Hmmm...

Merchant: What're you buyin.

Leon: I'm selling.

Merchant:ohhh...What're you sellin?

Leon: The girl.

Ashley: WTF?!

Merchant: I'll buy her for a high price!

Merchant grabs Ashley and Leon points to the Merchant.

Leon:Hey wait a minute...

Merchant:What?

Leon: I'll buy the drugs.

Merchant: Ahh good choice.

Ashley: Leon! (while struggling to get free from the merchants arm.)

Merchant: I'll sell it for a low price!

Leon:Here (handing money to the Merchant).

As the Merchant walks away dragging Ashley, Leon is smoking and thinking about more drugs.

The Merchant gets into an unknown hotel and pushes Ashley in. Ahley notices the bed filled with drugs and condums.

Merchant: Take off your clothes.

Ashley: Why?!

Merchant: Take off your clothes for a high price!

Ashley:Okay (cheerfully)

Ashley and Merchant end up in bed.

Merchant:Ahh...

Leon is outside in the same spot where they both met the Merchant and notices Ashley is gone. He then remembers the last words of the Merchant. "Thank you Stranga."

Leon:Ahhh Shit!

To Be Continued...

Merchant: Come Back Anytime... (smiling)

Notice: Okay I know its annoying about the way I typed it and im retarted for posting this up. Review if you like too... and I hope you liked it.


	2. Chapter 2

Resident Evil : The adventures of Leon

Resident Evil : The adventures of Leon.

Episode 2 : Merchandise part 2

Cast: Leon Ashley Merchant (R4) Salazar (R4)

Leon is running through the woods.

Leon: I'm coming Ashley!

Out of nowhere a dog come and chases Leon.

Leon: Crap!

Leon Keeps on running and than without noticing hits a tree.

Dog: ?

Leon continues running while the dog is gnawing on his leg.

Leon: Don't worry Ashley!

Three more dogs come out of nowhere and Leon is on the floor crawling while the dogs are chewing on both is legs and arms.

Leon: I'm still coming Ashley!

Ashley is at the mall with the merchant dressing out for "new" clothes. She is wearing a skit and a sweater. She than comes out of the dressing room with the same clothes.

Ashley: What do you think?

Merchant: It's the same dress Bitch!

Salazar: Hey hey thats no way to treat a lady.

Merchant: Well then. Keep Her!

Merchant disappears in thin air. Ashley then notices Salazar right next to her.

Ashley: Oh my gosh! A baby!

Salazar: What the hell are you talking about?

Salazar looks at ashley suspiciously. He then panics when ashley picks him up.

Ashley: Oh how i love babies! they are so wonderful and pokeable.

Ashley constantly pokes Salazar everwhere and squeezes him.

Salazar: Put me down bitch!

Ashley: Rock a bye baby...

Salazar: You dont know the lyrics!?

Leon enters the scene out of nowhere and he is beat up.

Ashley: Leon!

Leon sees that Ashley is struggling to hold on to Salazar.

Leon: Ashley put down the midget!

Ashley drops Salazar to the floor.

Salazar: Thank you. But dont call me a midget. It hurts my feeling and-

Leon had pulled his gun out and shot the Midget- I mean Salazar right on the forehead.

Leon: Shut up you midget. I hate little people. they squeak when they speak.

Leon picks up Salazar's hat for no reason.

Leon: My hat now!

Ashley: You made your sentence rhyme!

Leon then goes to the body.

Leon: Remind me what im doing to save this stupid blonde?

Salazars Dead Body: I dont know im just a dead body!

Salazar smiles.

Leon: ZOMBIE!!

Leon shoots the body over a hundred times. Merchant comes out of nowhere.

Merchant: I hope im not in future episodes.


	3. Chapter 3

Resident Evil: The adventures of Leon.

Episode 3

Michael** Jackson's ghost.**

**Cast: Leon, Ashley, Merchant, Michael Jackson's ghost, Big giant boss thing(RE4)**

**Leon: Where the hell are we Ashley!**

**Ashley looks at the map and it says: The Uncharted Area.**

**Ashley: Look at the map...**

**Leon takes a look at the map.He then looks at Ashley with his eyes twitching.**

**Ashley: The merchant sold me it for 100,000,000 dollars. **

**She puts a wide smile on while looking at the merchant.**

**Leon: There's no merchant here!**

**Merchant: Ummm... im right here.**

**Leon jumps dropping the map.**

**Leon: How the fuck do you do that!?**

**Merchant shrugs. Leon notices the map being help up by nothing.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: Any tip for me lil boy.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost giggles like a girl.**

**Ashley: Thank you mister.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost looks at her in disgust.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: I said lil boy not lil boobless girl.**

**Ashley: What?!**

**Ashley panics that her breasts arent big enough and goes to a random cave. Out of the cave comes out growling and screams.**

**Leon: M-Merchant? who is t-th-that?**

**Merchant: A white boy.**

**Leon: Oh... so were safe?**

**Merchant: yes**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: Oh honey you aint safe when im around. i'll eat both of yall up.**

**Leon and the merchant scream like girls following Ashley into the cave of no return.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: What did i do?**

**Ashley, Merchant, and Leon are walking through the cave where Ashley makes a stop.**

**Ashley: Leon, do me a favor...**

**Leon: What is it?**

**Merchant then looks at Ashley with thoughts.**

**Leon: Tell me already!**

**Ashley: Are my boobs that small? Here take a look.**

**Ashley pulls up her sweater and takes off her bra.**

**Leon: w- w-well,...**

**Merchant is staring and starts to grab one breast at a time.**

**Merchant: What the boy is trying to say is that they're a wee bit small.**

**Ashley: Leon feel please. **

**Leon than starts shaking when Ashley puts his hand on her right breast.**

**Leon: ooh lord...**

**Ashley: What's the difference?**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: yooohooo!**

**Leon and Merchant start running farther in the cave.**

**Leon: They are small!!**

**Merchant starts laughing. while his laughter disappears inside the cave ashley goe's to **Michael** Jackson's ghost.**

**Ashley: oh youll see youll all see!**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: See what?**

**Ashley: Just wait and see.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost then looks at Ashley like she's crazy.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: ok?... Oh boy's!!**

**Ashley runs out the cave.**

**Leon and Merchant meet up with some ugly ass giant.**

**Leon: Thats some ugly ass giant.**

**Narrator: Dont steal my words!**

**Merchant: I do not like ugly ass giants...PEACE IM OUT!**

**Leon: Freaking asshole stole my idea!**

**Giant: Huh?**

**Leon: You wouldnt understand.**

**Giant scratches his head.**

**Leon: Wheres the nearest exit?**

**Giant points to the corner where there's and open door.**

**Leon: Thank you.**

**Giant halts leon.**

**Giant: Hug?**

**Leon:ummm... lemme see here... maybe... yes ... or no?... NO! HELL NO! youll crush me!**

**giant gets aggressive.**

**Giant: HUG!! HUG!! HUG!!**

**Leon runs to the door while the giant is trying to smash him.**

**Leon: Ok hug!**

**Leon is standig right in front of the door.**

**Giant: Yay (while clapping his hands)**

**Leon: After im done using the bathroom.**

**Giant: ok**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: oh... you came to my secret : RAPE THE CHILDREN LAIR. huh?**

**Leon: Wait a -**

**Leon gets squished behind the door. He sees ashley enter the room.**

**Ashley: Bitch look!**

**Once again she shows off her breast.**

Michael** Jackson's ghost: The light it burns me!! oh shit i think im turning straight! Im coming Girls!**

**Flattened Leon: Uhh... wasnt he already -**

**Ashley: Already what?...**

**Leon: uhh... what?**

**Leon is still staring right at her.**

**Merchant: Fuck it! **

**He then gets a pin and pokes each breast.**

**Merchant: its like you've never seen porn!**

**Leon: y-yeah i have!**

**Merchant: Ok ...Then look at these.**

**Leon than see's all the magazines. **

**Leon: well... look s-see?**

**Merchant: you're stuttering.**

**Leon: n-no i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i- Yes i am...**

**Leon looks to the floor.**

**Ashley puts her sweater back on. She then slaps the merchant.**

**Merchant: what the hell was that for?!**

**Ashley: i could've had some overtime with Leon!**

**Merchant: stupid whore... are you sure you're the presidents daughter and not his stripper wife?**

**Ashley: im sure.**

**Merchant: Dirty blonde watch!**

**Leon: What?! (while wiping his tears)**

**Merchant than goes up to Ashley.**

**Ashley: What do-**

**Merchant: SMALL BOOBS SMALL BOOBS NOBODY LIKES SMALL BOOBS!**

**Ashley than runs away.**

**Leon: Funny , but now I gotta go find her once again.**

**Merchant: Go look inside the dumpster shes trailer trash.**

**Leon: ok?... she-**

**Ashley: (in the background) I HATE YOU ALL!**

**Merchant: end of episode... now go read something else before your brain gets perverted and all sick minded. **


	4. Chapter 4

Resident Evil : The adventures of Leon.

Episode 4.

Nemesis.

Cast: Leon Ashley Nemesis.

Leon and Ashley are once again walking in the forest. who knows where the hell they are and what the hell are they doing.

Ashley: Leon?

Leon: Yesssss?

Ashley: Nevermind.

Leon: Tell me woman!

Ashley: No!

Leon: Forget it!

Ashley: okay (smiling.)

Leon: Dumbass blonde.

They stop at a Mcdonalds.

Leon: What the hell does this have to do with the episode?!

Ashley: I dunno but I see that the creator is hungry.

CREATOR: Shut up and go with the lines! this episode will have a point. (the show also)

Leon: Theres noone in here

Suddenly they hear a noise from the freezer.

Leon: Ashley go check it out while I go behind you and let the monster kill you so that way I get a head start.

Ashley: okay.

Ashley skips to the freezer door.

Ashley: oh a pretty red button that says : DO NOT TOUCH NEMESIS IS FROZEN IN HERE.

Ashley looks back.

Ashley: Leon? whats a NEMESIS?

Leon suddenly remembers the movies he was not in.

Leon: Dont worry bout it just push the red button.

Leon despised the directors of the Resident Evil movies. Unfortunately they did not like the way he demonstrated ANNIE.

Leon: (muttering to himself) tommorow tommorow there will always be a tommorow.

He had never learned the right lyrics.

Ashley pushes the red button.

Ashley: Cool!

The door opens and out comes NEMESIS with a note on his frozen hands : I told you not to push the red button.

Ashley: Leon i founs an ice sculpture!

Leon: uhh... why did you push the red button?

Ashley: You told me i could.

Leon: When i tell you things its for you not to do it!

NEMESIS: S.T.A.R.S

Leon: nononono R.P.D

NEMESIS: R.P.D?

Leon: Yes. ok good but dont go after me go after U.M.B.R.E.L.L.A

NEMESIS: U.M.B.R.E.L.L.A?

Leon: yes!

NEMESIS: KILL LEON

Leon: WTF?!

NEMESIS takes out a machine gun out of nowhere.

Ashley: I like big guns!

Leon: ewww...

NEMESIS is confused.

Ashley: What?

Leon: Nevermind just hide somewhere so i can fight this big ugly ass one eyed... (NEMESIS shoots all around Leon) freak?

Ashley: Jesus Christ!

Jesus: Yes??

NEMESIS shoots jesus down.

NEMESIS: K.I.L.L

Leon: Oh my God!!

Ashley: You killed Jesus!

out of nowhere stan and kyle from south park come out.

Stan: hey thats our line!

Kyle: Yeah!

NEMESIS shoots down the two little kids.

Leon: Ashley hand over that Jill Valentine doll you got!

Ashley: The one you gave me for christmas?

Leon:Yes!

Ashley throws the weird Jill Valentine doll to Leon.

Leon: member this?!

NEMESIS: Y.E.S

Leon: follow me and ill let you kill.

NEMESIS: O.K

Leon goes near a cliff and drops the doll to the floor. NEMESIS runs towards the doll to pick it up.

Leon kicks NEMESIS in the ass.

Leon:ow!

Leon is shaking his leg and NEMESIS for some reason moving slow mo falls down the cliff. Leon whistles away back to Ashley.

Ashley: I wanted the big gun!

Leon: Shut up stupid bitch!

Notice: Jesus was just a fill in and will be only used in one episode wich is this one. sorry that I killed him.

Merchant: Your not sorry!


	5. Chapter 5

Note: Yes I Am Back And Continuing The Series! ENJOY!

Resident Evil : The adventures of Leon.

Episode 5

Leon V.S The Regenerators V.S The Iron Maiden V.S The merchant?

Cast: Leon Ashley Regenerator(RE4) Iron Maiden(RE4) The Merchant Dogs

Leon and Ashley are walking through a house they just randomly entered.

Policeman: Hey you two Freeze!

Ashley and Leon ignore the poor old police man and flick him off as they enter the house.

The poor old policeman has a heart attack and is forgotten.

Merchant: That really did not make no sense whatsoever……

Leon: How the hell did you get in here?!?!? (with wide eyes)

Merchant: She let me in (points at Ashley)

Ashley smiles innocently.

Leon: Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

They all hear banging coming from the door.

Ashley: What is that noise?

Leon: Regenerators.

Merchant pops right in front of Leon.

Merchant: DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN!

Leon jumps and hangs onto the chandelier.

Ashley giggles and so does the Merchant. Leon then gets off and opens the door.

Ashley: OMG

Two dogs are seen humping each other making the noise that those annoying to kill things in the damn freaking game that annoys the living shit out of me that I forgot to buy the ….. The dogs are making the noise the regenerators do in a passionate way.

The two dogs turn into a puff of smoke.

Leon: ?

Ashley: WTF

Regenerator and Iron Maiden: Rooooooooor

Leon: I'm out!

Ashley then screams as loud as she can.

Leon runs while dragging Ashley by her feet and the merchant follows.

They enter a room and lock the door.

Ashley: They're coming.

Leon: Shut up bitch!

Merchant comes out of nowhere.

Merchant: Run Stranga Run!

Leon jumps and rams the door trampling the regenerator and Iron Maiden.

The merchant takes out two automatic sub-machine guns and shoots the regenerator down.

Merchant: Die stranga die!

Ashley then takes out a lightsaber out of nowhere and cuts the iron maidens head off.

Ashley: Hiyah!

Ashley looks at the body and bows.

Ashley: May the force be with you.

Darth Vader comes out and challenges Ashley to a lightsaber duel.

Darth Vader: MOOOOOORTALLLLL KOOOOOOOMBAT!!!!!

Ashley and Vader fight to the music of John Williams and the London Symphony Orchestra "Battle Of The Heroes" Featured in Star Wars Episode III : Revenge Of The Sith Original Soundtrack. Ashley cuts Vader's hands off.

Mortal Kombat Deep Voice: FINISH HIM!

Ashley gets two lightsabers and smiles flashing creepy yellow teeth.

Vader:Noooooooooo(Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of The Sith Official )

She then Cuts Vaders head off.

Mortal Kombat Deep Voice: FATALITY

Ashley cheers!

Leon struggles with a regenerator.

Leon: I don't wanna go to schoooool!

You can tell the dumbass is either unconscious or being a moron.

Ashley throws Leon her lightsaber.

Ashley: Leon Catch!

Leon gets stabbed through the chest.

Leon: AHHHHHHHH

Regenerator: LMFAO

Leon starts backing up towards the regenerator with no intention of knowing the regenerator is behind him.

Leon: WTF WAS THAT FOR?!?!??

Regenerator: UGH!

The regenerator falls to the floor.

Leon: You stupid Whore!(still has the lightsaber through his chest.)

The regenerator reaches up for Leon.

Regenerator: Heeeelp me god damnit!

Ashley: (Stealing a line from a funny comedian called Gabriel Iglesias. Not the singer.) Uhh…. But it was funny huh?

Merchant: Why the hell do I even bother getting minimum wage to be here?!

Leon and Ashley start walking towards the sunset.

Leon: (Lightsaber still through chest.) Lets go you fuggin blonde!

Ashley: O.K

The mechant is seen on the outside of the house looking through a peep whole with a video camera in his hand.

Leon and Ashley are in bed. (If you know what I mean.)

Ashley: Leon faster!

Leon: No you stabbed me!

Merchant: Video Cameras rox my sox!

Narrator: Why do I even bother creating these shenanigans?

Merchant: Why did you even bother putting me with these two retards?

Narrator: Touché


	6. Chapter 6

Resident Evil: The Adventures of Leon

Episode 6: Transformers

Cast: Leon, Ashley, Merchant, And any Trasnformer that I decide to feature here.

Trasnformer theme plays….

Optimus Prime: Autobots… ROLL OUT!

Bumblebee: Why rollout? It's not like all of us are cars….

Jetfire: YEAH! Why cant it be like "Lets go!" Why rollout?

Optimus Prime: Shut it both of you. There is a decepticon near.

Leon: WHAT THE…..

Ashley: ooooo It's a yellow camaro!

Bumblebee turns to Ashley and smiles widely.

Merchant: I have a feeling that this episode my not be appropiate for children 13 and younger.

Leon: I have a feeling that ima shoot myself after I find out what that robot is thinking….

BOOOOOOM!

Megatron: I am Megafag BZZZ er… Correction Megatron. I am hear to anhialate all Autobots!

Bumblebee: Oh yeah? You and what army?

An army of decepticons come out of nowhere…

Megatron: This one! HAHAHA!

Leon throws water on Megatron

Merchant: That was… pointless!

Leon: At least I put in effort!

Megatron blows up

Optimus Prime turns over to Leon.

Optimus Prime: Sam? Is that you?

Leon: Who the F is Sam?

Optimus Prime: The boy from disney channel who had this seemingly hot girlfriend Megan Fox

Leon: no clue….

The decepticon army: Who will control us now?

Ashley: I AM ASHLEY! HEAR ME ROAR!

The decepticon army: ALL HAIL ASHLEY!

1 day later….

News Reporter: This just in…. Megabitch has destroyed half the earth now.

Ashley: DON'T CALL ME MEGABITCH YOU MEGAWHORE!

Ashley than steps on the news reporter.

Merchant: There is no way in hell I am allowing the creator to continue this series! No way!

Creator: I'll pay you a million each episode?

Merchant: WHERE DO I START?

Leon: What do I get payed if threaten to leave?

Creator: You're in contract with the devil a.k.a Me you cannot leave

Leon: Yes master

Leon cries.

END


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